Food Log 2/19/2011

• Breakfast: Peanut Butter Oatmeal
• 1 bowl Quaker Old-fashioned oatmeal
• 3 TBSP Smucker's All Natural peanut butter
• 2 TBSP Agave syrup
• 1 banana, sliced
• 1/2 liter of water to drink
• Snack 1: A Pear and a handful of almonds
• 1 large bartlett pear
• 14 almonds
• Dinner: Roast beef sandwich
• approx 3 oz sliced pot roast
• 1 oz cheese
• 2 slices bread from panera
• mustard
• 1 oz approx multigrain chips
• 1Diet Dr. Pepper

Food log 2/18/2011

• Breakfast: breakfast tacos
  • 3 eggs, scrambled in 1 tsp olive oil
  • 2 slices of bacon, oven baked on a cooling rack above a pan
  • 2 whole grain tortillas
  • hot sauce and pepper to taste
• Snack 1.: a handful of almonds
• Lunch: Turkey sandwich
  • six slices of deli sliced turkey
  • small amount of mayonnaise
  • salad greens from a bag
  • hot sauce
  • 2 slices multi-grain bread
• Snack 2: leftover fajita
• 1 flour tortilla
• leftover grilled chicken, onions and green pepper, reheated in microwave
• dab of sour cream 
• Dinner: KFC Grilled chicken dinner
• 2 pieces of grilled chicken, skin on. 1 breast, 1 thigh
• approx 2 oz mac & cheese
• approx 3 oz green beans
• 1 biscuit, dry
• Snack 3:
• 1 Chobani Strawberry Yogurt

Food Log 2/17/2011

• Breakfast: Blueberry/Pineapple smoothie
• 1 cup blueberries/pineapple
• 6 oz Chobani blueberry greek yogurt
• 1/2 cup almond milk
• 1 frozen banana
• Lunch: Fajitas
• 2 whole wheat tortillas
• 4-5 oz pre-cooked grilled chicken. approx
• green pepper
• onion
• 2 tsp sour cream
• Dinner: sausage and potatoes.*
• 2 flour tortillas
• pan cooked potatoes
• sausage
• onion
• some green pepper
• steamed broccoli about 1 cup.
• Misc. snacks throughout the day

•  white chocolate pretzels with sprinkles by the computer desk. Grazing eating. Wasn't thinking. Didn't count. :(

• but I knew full well about the 3 Ferrero-Rocher candies I ate and that they were costing me 220 calories.

Tomorrow is a new day. Also weigh in.

Depressed

I've had a hard time writing lately. Mainly because what I'm about to talk about, I don't want to admit. There's also this unnecessary pressure I feel to not put out the negative energy I'm probably going to with this post. However, I have to remember that ultimately this blog is for me, not you. I have to be honest with myself or else I'm going to keep making the progress I deserve.
 
Since the winter storm hit in Oklahoma several weeks ago, I've not been working out, keeping track of my diet or doing what's ultimately necessary to get the results I want. At first, it came from the challenge of being at home and making excuses for myself on why I couldn't exercise or eat right for one reason or another. While there was plenty of processed sweets and canned meats in the pantry to blame, ultimately I'm the person who chose to put them in my mouth. As the week progressed, I knew I had been making the wrong choices, but I continued on in this fashion. When the storm's effect had finally lifted to the point where I could go to the gym again, another two weeks, I had found that my motivation to go had suddenly dried up. At first, I thought it would be kindled by seeing my friend, LaRhonda at her big reveal. I got to talk to Chris Powell, host of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, after the taping.

I told Chris all my plans. What was going right and wrong. I told him that lately I had been struggling. He told me that the habits I was trying to develop needed to be developed slowly. That I was trying to do too much too soon. I told him that all I wanted to do was develop three habits: 1 Go to bed at 10, 2.Be ready to go to the gym by 7 AM. 3.Go to the gym 2 hours daily. Chris told me that since I was struggling with developing these habits, I should focus on one goal at a time. He said good habits have to be built up like any muscle. I hadn't really thought of it that way. I guess I felt like three habits were just fine to start with, but maybe I was trying to swing a 75 pound dumbbell around without even knowing it.
Still in a funk the next day. Didn't work out. Still ate the wrong things.
I looked in the mirror and I had to ask myself what was wrong. At the time, I didn't have an answer, and then it finally creeped up on me after a nice long nap. I must be depressed. I had gotten back to staying in my room and sleeping all day. I was lethargic and angry/sad all the time. I was having a lot of negative thoughts and feelings. Honestly, I probably didn't notice it because it had been my natural state for so long that it felt familiar. Then, last night, I got to talk to another hero of mine. Scott Smith, Chief Motivating Officer at Motivationtomove.com

Scott Smith, for those who don't know, has the number one fitness podcast in the world. He had a very matter of fact moment with me during a live call in session he was having. I had told him about my current situation. I was depressed, I hadn't been eating right or exercising, etc. Scott basically told me that reaching my goal of getting under 500 by June was not reachable. He told me this to relieve me of the pressure I was putting on myself. Frankly, I think he's wrong. Maybe accepting that I can't reach 60 pounds in the next few months would take the pressure off, but it still wouldn't make him right. I know what the problem is. I know that I haven't been taking my diet all that seriously. I graze and eat late at night. I eat processed, sodium filled pre-fried foods. I choose not to work out on days when I'd just be on the treadmill. Then I weigh myself and I'm happy with a three pound loss. I have not been bringing my A game. But Scott did tell me something which did strike a chord. He told me that I wasn't doing this for my brother's wedding. I was doing this to save my own life. I know that. I've always known that. It's just that it's hard to face. THAT is the kind of pressure I don't want to deal with. I have to focus on the small goal ahead of me.

Along the inside of the indoor track at my gym, there are pillars. When I walk along the track, and I start to get fatigued, I tell myself that I only need to make it back around to the pillar I started. As long as I keep my eye on it. Picture myself finishing strong, I always make it. If I'm distracted and start thinking about how much pain I'm in. How my legs fall asleep when I'm walking because of poor circulation. I fail. I can't think about my own death. I need to just focus on my pillar. Sam's wedding. I can make it. If not 60 pounds, then 40. My first ten percent.

I'm still depressed, but I think the only person who can do anything about it right now is me. I'm going to take my St. John's Wart and Fish oil. I'm going to weigh myself at the gym, and I'm going to start over. I've had an unusual week where I got to talk to several of my heroes. I celebrated my parent's 32nd anniversary. I've been filled with anxiety and guilt for a lot of that time. I'm choosing to focus on my future and how bright it can be. What I can't control, I have to surrender. But now is the time to pick myself off the floor and start moving again. It would just be nice to feel like I'm not doing it all by myself for once.

Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition Reveal Party

Tonight, I'm going to a taping of ABC's new show, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. It's going to be LaRhonda's big reveal!

Before picture, obviously.

I'm really excited for this show! It's going to be revolutionary! Unfortunately I'm under contractual obligation to not talk too much about my involvement with it. I can however promote the hell out of it.

I'll probably have to sign a release at tonight's taping. I'll post pictures if I can. If not, you'll just have to wait until the show airs to see what I saw. :P

Be sure to check out Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition sometime this spring. I'll post dates once they're announced. Check out and LIKE their Facebook fan page HERE.

Weigh-in - Plateau! OH NO!

 I didn't have to take a new picture.

 I'm still 562! That sucks! And after all that halfassery this week and showing up at the gym only two times! GAWD IT'S LIKE I NEED TO PUT EFFORT INTO LOSING WEIGHT OR SOMETHING! JEEZ!

Playtime's over.

I'm thinking a lot of thoughts right now, so I guess I'll just run them off and see if that gets me refocused. First, this is the first plateau I've witnessed. Considering the erratic frequency of my past weigh-ins, it's probably safe to say this isn't my first. I've just been losing weight because I've been naturally increasing the intensity of my workouts over the past several months. Second, this plateau couldn't have come at a better time. It's at the end of the month, and next week, I start adding another 15 minutes to my interval walk. The extra 15 minutes on the treadmill should really get things going again. At least, I hope that's the case. Our bodies are funny like that. I am a little worried however because in the past, a plateau has been devastating to my motivation. I need to reach out for support from friends, and really do my best to take right action and just show up in spite of feeling like this is a loss for me. The best thing I can do is try and realize that this could have been much worse. I could have gained weight. My goal for next week is to not give up! I can't let this sink me.
Okay, here's the plan:

• Reevaluate current workout. Can I be doing anything better? Should I be lifting more weight? Should I be going faster on the treadmill? According to my last calculations, my Target heartrate Hi/Lo was between 146-168 with the sweet spot being about 157-163. Am I focusing too much on the high end, and not making sure that during the slower part of my intervals I'm still no lower than 146?
• Just show up. I may hate doing cardio, but now that I'm going to be walking for 45 minutes, the treadmill and track are going to start feeling a lot more tedious. I should probably update my iPod playlist with fresh music to keep me motivated. But the important thing is to show up at the gym on days when I'm not lifting weights. The cardio is vital to my weight loss, and it's time I took it seriously.
• Re-stock the pantry with healthy foods. Create a meal plan for the next two weeks. Considering that I've reached a plateau, a real effort needs to be made to start eating more vegetables and fewer carbs. At least two of my major meals should have a vegetable and I'm thinking at least 1 of my snacks should too. I'm still not giving up my oatmeal for breakfast.
• Sleep. It's time I commit to lights out at 10PM. I need to get in the habit of sleeping at a regular time because with the extra time added to my workout, I can't go in late at night to work out anymore.
• Find support. I need to find a friend that can keep me accountable and that I can talk to when feeling down. If I can just get through this week and come out with some weight loss, I'll probably find my motivation again, but right now, I really don't trust myself.
• Visualize success! I will be 9 pounds lighter next Friday. 553! 553! It's February 4th right now, and I'm on the scale, and I've finally lost a goal I've set for myself! Wow, it feels so good already!

Okay, I'm mentally ready to make next week better. I just asked on my Facebook page for song suggestions for my February playlist. You can leave a suggestion there or write one here along with your comments, You can also reply to me on twitter @BecomeBoundless.

Principles.

I fell off the wagon today. I'm a grazing eater, and I tend to eat late at night. So, after staying up past my bedtime, I found myself eating a sandwich. That was followed by grazing on a bunch of crappy food. Normally, you could tell a person like me to just stop buying the food I ate today, but unfortunately not having a car or my own place  means I'm faced with the temptations of whatever my mom decides to buy. The sandwich and soda were bad enough, but what's most upsetting is that this could have all been avoided if I had taken the time to plan my meals out for the week, develop a shopping list and given it to my mom.

You know, I really hate writing posts like this. But, they probably won't stop coming until I make a list of principles and habits I want to develop, and then start taking the actions to develop them. I really don't have anything useful to say today. I can only hope to make tomorrow better.

Update: I also have been slacking on my food log. That probably played a huge part in my failure today. I'm still resistant to the idea of blogging my food log.